Friday, December 31, 2004

kbox!lalala~
smiles! (:

sy. 11:19 PM

mua 1604 darls! (=
smiles! (:

sy. 10:21 PM

aLL gaLs pic +.^
smiles! (:

sy. 10:20 PM

cca bbq =)
smiles! (:

sy. 10:16 PM

installation! :)
smiles! (:

sy. 9:41 PM

wc juu darls n me! (:
smiles! (:

sy. 9:40 PM

darls @ pasta! =)
smiles! (:

sy. 9:39 PM
Masks"
Don't be fooled by the face I wear,
for I wear a thousand masks,
And none of them are me.
Don't be fooled, for goodness sake,
don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
And that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion,
in aloneness, in fear.
That's why I create a mask to hide behind,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from
my own self-built prison walls.
I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing
and that I'm just no good,
And that you will reject me.
And so begins the parade of masks.
I idly chatter to you.
I tell you everything that's really nothing
and Nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
Please listen carefully and try to
hear what I'm not saying.
I'd really like to be genuine
and spontaneous, and me.
But you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand.
Each time you're kind and gentle,
and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings,
feeble wings, but wings.
With your sensitivity and sympathy,
and your power of understanding,
You alone can release me from
my shallow world of uncertainty.
It will not be easy for you.
The nearer you approach me,
The blinder I may strike back.
But I'm told that Love
is stronger than strong walls,
And in this lies my only hope.
Please try to beat down these walls
with firm hands,
But gentle hands,
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you wonder.
I am every man you meet,
and also every woman that you meet,
And I am you, also.
-Author Unknown
scary ehs?
ppl seem to alwaes b living under a facade..
time rli flies..
hols r almost over..

hApPy nEw yEaR! (:

been down da past few daes..
in fact.. VERY down..

which individual likes leaving a bad impression on others?
which part of me ever wanted to shirk my responsibilities?
m i choosing to be misunderstood, or wad most say wasting my time kay-pohing awae?
in the end wad haf i achieved?
nothing.

one side hu's oblivious to anything misunderstands me.
dey tink i haven set a good example.
not to mention fulfilling my responsibility.
but do i haf a choice?
if i had one, do u tink i'd choose to take that path?
i wun!
noone understands.
hu in da wurl does not wna b normal?
thats my simple wish..
yet it seems far-fetched..
i never cherished the old me til now.
is it too late?

the other side?
hu is told of the truth. i seriously do not hope fer more ppl in dis league.
wad led to dis?
true, as da daes go by im more certain of it, but thats equivalent to more tears, more hurt.
i dun wan that.
im losin da old me.
my rights to all that constitutes a normal life.

one view of dis unfounded fear is bcos im handling too much that i can undertake, and being a noseypoker taking up jobs others refuse to take.
that i shud jus gif up da position.

another is that its only a few mths left, and i shuden gif up.
but ter me, dis is lik living hell..

im truly aware that many ppl out dere r worse-off than me.
but deir determination n courage is far better dan mine.
i feel im a burden to dose ard me.

i've lost the old me,
one hu mite not haf anything explicit but joy.
one hu mite not enjoy glory or fame but was nothing lik a worry-wart.
one hu is able to regard movies or travelling as pure entertainment.
one hu cud afford to take risks.
one hu cud b outgoing and establish new contacts.

i've lost that simple touchh..
i've lost my sensitivity and patience.
i can no longer b myself.

hu in da world wud quit the ADHOC ure in a few daes b4 the actual project?
bcos she jus had too many tings on her mind and cuden devote her whole heart into it?
i dun give two hoots about points, its abt integrity, principles and the feelings.
i bet some bad impression was left undeniably.
but i didn't haf a choice, did i?

history seems to b repeating itself agn,
once agn im caught in such a dilemma.
its lik barely a wk left..
and i wna withdraw!
i feel so lost so afraid so irritated.
i noe im undeserving so i duwna stae.
is there anything wrong w that?
i duwna b a step further to seeking back the old me agn.
to some, i mite seem lik escaping from reality.
but im not.
i jus duwna face tings and allow my mind to look upon stuff in an even more negative lite.
i noe im not strong, not qualified to pursue anything.

as the cancer patient hu jus passed awae blogged "dying is.."
i do feel more fer the negative extreme of "living is.."
wad haf i done to deserve dis?

i nv wanted ter gif up that easily.
i nv ceased trying.
giving up all that you've slogged for isnt an ez decision either.
it mite jus b a position, a badge or a possession to some,
but to me, it is the passion, drive and all the effort that ive put in that is too heavy to put down, too difficult to part with.

but if ure certain ure unable to gif ure 100%, y cling on so titely to sth ul lose grip of?
y not gif it up to someone hu can make good use of it, someone more deserving?
y not gif urself more leeway to search yourself?
wads with the reputation, dignity, points to speak of when u cannot even lead a carefree life?
ppl can advise, but the ultimate decision lies in YOU!
alwaes smile to life,
i've learnt to cherish dose hu makes my heart smile in the darkest times! (:

sy. 8:33 PM