Sunday, May 29, 2005
men are creatures of habits..
indeed it truly is.
sometyms i wonder how a single event can effectively trigger off a fear, den phobia, den b4 u noe it, ur facing a psychological barrier.
owells, action->behaviour-> consequence.
i tink its jus me.
why me?
cus of my background, my character and my tinking..
at tyms it aint too good to b altruistic i guess.
u tend to suffer jus by giving..
wells, den y isit tt ppl rejoice in giving, and dose hu r alw at d receiving end onli enjoys infinite happiness?
but then agn, i guess sometyms things happen for a reason..
ppl onli care when sth happens.
when someone's in turmoil, or when someone's gone..
is it human nature?
pl nv learn to cherish tings ard them til they lose it..
or is it simply bcos they care too much that d tings r incoporated as part of them, so they dun feel a tinge of pain?
isit jus a dream for me, a person so negative, so caught in my own problems, so dependent, with no determination to get out of this to aspire to help others? so who m i exactly?
how ironic.
its scary how it cums n goes.
when it is there, u cant wait for it to go.
when it goes, all d tym u wonder when it wud cum bek.
dis is perhaps a learning phase for me in life.
but y me?!?!
at tyms i rli wonder.
i m alr good in nothing except probably able to associate with otherss.
is God taking away my only strength?
i feel so so so so inferior.
i rli hope to b lik d past me.
afraid of almost nothing, carefree and confident as can b,
no negative tots churned in crowded or even enclosed areas
and jus a simple wish of enjoying a two hour movie w/o worries..
or even to b able to accept and go for certain tings tt come by which everyone has a rite to choose but not me..
why all these considerations??
ppl onli misunderstand me..
true i admit im escaping, but is it wrong to want to b alone, to enjoy d happiness and relaxation that i so yearn for?
doesnt everyone haf d rite to do that?
d more i gif in, d more im tired, d more im numb..
isit a good ting tt i forget everything after a deep slumber,
or isit jus buried deep down?
i haf learnt to cherish, at least, from dis lesson.
but wil d bell ever ring? wil d lesson ever end? or wil i haf to endure dis lesson for d whole course of my life?
im thankful at dis pt i feel better, but recurring images of what i've been thru haunts me constantly..
its lik being unable to wake up from a nightmare..
noone noes wad tmr holds.
including me.
it is trully a bad tym to experience dese.
in d midst of a major exam, as well as d responsibilities i haf on hand with some ppl who do not understand.
even i myself find it ridiculous.
how do i expect others to empathise?
-sighss- :((

sy. 2:39 PM