Monday, November 21, 2005



































well.. As kinda ended today.
yet it feels its d beginning of j2.
theres stil bio mcq on thurs.
oh wells.
was a bad bad sad sad day today.
i dun belong anywhere huh?
not at home, not outside.
where wud i ever feel belong to?
it feels very sad when ure distressed and rli dunno hu to call,
who to talk to.
and when u try,
they dun answer,
or they're busy.
it feels that my net number of frens is zero.
wells, finally changed my tag!
some ppl hav been tellin me they cant tag and so... yeah :)
sth to b happy abt?
and found a new set of navigation starrs!
met rachel in town today.
shes in monash melbourne.
doing psychology,
i so wna do tt.
i wish i cud. :(
til today did i find out tt ders so many nice star pix. :b
gg out w sangee weishan alison jiayi tmr..

sy. 6:24 PM

Saturday, November 19, 2005
happy bdae weishan! (:
today was a happy day at first.
cos i knew i jus made someone happy.
but now...
its d total opposite.
but hu cares anw?
As was a total mess.
cuden even do 1 qn.
they all looked so unfamiliar.
even mcq, i jus did 30 out of 40 qns.
somethings rli wrong with me.
wad has happened to d old me?

sometyms i wished human beings are strong enough to accomplish what they want.
sometyms i wished human beings dint even exist at all..
maybe..
i wished i didnt exist.
my existence is a mere eyesore to many i guess.
i jus made up my mind not to cry.
but i jus cant do it.
i jus did it.. again.
im gg crazy.
i knew she was out to spite me.
i jus cuden tk it.
i feel so frustrated at home.
yet i dun feel good when im out.
i feel tt i m not welcome on earth anymore.
why dun they understand??
its crazy tt i jus screamed at my aunt cos she took my food while i was on d phone.
not angry cos she took my food,
but just felt it was appropriate for me to vent my frustrations.
they called me selfish, unreasonable.
but have they ever stopped to ask why?
noone wud ever, i guess..
they wud jus blame me,
say im dumb,
their child smart,
im useless,
its my own doing,
its my own fault for not gg lectures or having tuition..
and the list goes on..
im online with a heavy heart.
i told myself i was prepared to repeat.
but ppl jus dun understand.
they jus say,
"dun worry, you'll do well.."
but hu noes myself better dan i do?
i wish someone wud say to me,
"its ok. you keep trying. the journey is more impt than d results."
isit rli true about every man for himself?
even my dad, my dad scolded me for eating an egg..
cos he said i wud get 0 from eating eggs.
wads wrong with these ppl?
im gg crazy!
someone help!
so unbecoming of me.
im typing dis with a real heavy heart.
the world is disowning me cos im failing.
im not given a second chance,
at least not psychologically.
theres still two papers.
but i jus cant seem to settle myself to study.
im on my own again.

to dose dumb hypocrites:
u all are too much!
ive had enough!
its not my fault im gg thru my rough patches these years!
i did not choose to not attend lectures,
or even gg tuition!
why have you ppl alr made d judgement tt i wil earn $800 a month,
and jus be self sustaining?!?!
let me be myself!
whether or not i will earn $800, less, or more,
whether i can even find a job next tym is absolutely none of your business.
shoo away from my life.
ive not offended u in any way.

sy. 6:24 PM

Saturday, November 12, 2005

















'your life is an energy system. when you throw out things you create a vacuum, and you get things moving. notice how often new things come along to replace what you give away.' -andrew matthews

'There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life.' -T.H. Huxley

how true is this statement?
failure- one word ive hardly encountered in d course of my life.
yet now its impending,
there is fear.
fear of disappointing those hu had faith in me.
fear of whether i can take the scrutiny.
fear of losing frens.
fear of being alone.
fear of facing setbacks again.
true enough, we all face setbacks in life.
and to me, such a huge one comin for d very first tym scares me.
will i be able to handle it?
as much s i noe how to console others,
can i help myself?
perhaps this tym, ive learnt my lesson.
a hard one, but hu noes how far it may bring me.
persist on persist on persist on sy.
dun gif up on ur life.
rid those negative thoughts!
one yearr more rli isnt a great deal.
really.

you have a longer way to go.
you know u did not even put in much effort.
you dun deserve to pass.
you have no right to feel sad.
you tried!
its not your fault you were stricken with such a problem so untimely.
PLEASE! take things easy.
dun shed a tear no more!
such things r not worth ur tearss!
CHILL!!!

thanks mich!
for pei ing me one whole day to unwind yday.
crystal jade, movie..
back to d good old days.
"Just like heaven" was fabulous.
il be lik d lead-embrace failure with happiness!
bcos i blif lik her, i will not b a failure all my life.
i mus learn to smile lik her even after failing.
wil always rmb d guy bsid u hu laughed so loudly when nobody else did.
and d guy on my right who sobbed when d lead related abt her failure.
nono it wasnt me!

When You Believe-Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston
Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
And our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we know we could

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
And now I am standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking wordsI never thought I'd say

There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fear
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near

There can be miracles (miracles)
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frailIt's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will,
Now you will
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
Just believe
You will when you believe



sy. 3:50 PM