Saturday, January 28, 2006
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this was my original sitting position at work.
lol. im noww rite in front of d dpt head.
she is on mc on two weeks and its killing d remaining 3 of us cus we hav so much to do, so many doubts and we're all relatively inexperienced.
guess im d most sadd temp.
OT is FOC for them, and thurs i stayed til 9 pm and i tot fri was a half day (they said 3pm) in the end i cud onli leave at lik 7pm??? this is really sad considering its eve of new yr eve. luckily i had an ice-cream khaki yw. lolsss. that botak. hes so dark now! but still so funny and slowwwwww... had banana crumble and teriyaki chicken pasta in swensens. finally im back to abit of life. i wonder how long this can last.
speaking abt bald ppl, theres dis guy hus waiting for his A level results working at d law firm too. he was in charge of drafting d bloody letters and my dept to record in legal pack and check for errors. darned he left lik at 3pm sharp?????? and they all cant rmb his name and call him botak. and then pohying yani and me had to struggle thr. imagine d letter head and title having diff names, or a letter w/o postal code, or even an attachment w/o attachment, spelling errors, etc which cud've delayed d processing of d letters! my god, cant stand it. esp when i thk of d other temps lik whol day slack and all.. and i seriously hav an urge to feedback to d boss!!! sigh.. noeing that outsourcing is greater than incoming of his workers, he shud revise his policies!! and he shud stay longer to monitor wad d depts do!! not just accept wad he sees sitting down!!! its superficial! today was casual wear. almost gt caught for wearing slippers. luckily pohying exchanged with me. luckily i have no work till next thurs.. (: went with mum for last min shopping at d 24hour prime mart. woww.. it waS lik sssssoooo crowded. i mean it.
i hope i can enjoy my new yr, b4 As results, lik sangee said, wud b released 3 wks later.. :( den im baq to taking As agn, confirm.. life is rli qt sadd.
Monday, January 23, 2006
im beat. really beat.
spent ten hours battling d immense fatigue at work.
was almost late cus d bus driver told me it wud take 30 mins,
but it took me 53mins to get there.
and i had to run almost 1km in 7 mins with heels to avoid being late.
and when i got der, d guy was lik there is a penalty for being late.
$5 d 1st tym, $10 d second and so on..
how cool.
and thrs no leave and if we must, its regarded as no-pay leave.
d worse thg is d horrible OT which does not pay.
and it seems to be an everyday thing to d ppl there.
i wanted to ask if they let me off late d 1st tym, wud i get $5 extra? d 2nd $10 and so on?
but decided not to ruin my own reputation.
loneliness finally crawled its way to me today.
i was practically on my own.
was at d audit department and rants and screams surrounded me the whole day.
got to noe a fren huda and she was waiting for her o level results,
but it was her last day.. :(
and she had only worked two weeks!
and my dept had 4 other females.
it was an overloaded dpt.
but i cuden really help.
today i sent abt 100 emails,
zapped abt 150 copies of papers,
arranged them into matching sets (the nos were up to 4 digits),
arranged mini placards for proceedings,
summarised a fax abt a dealing,
helped ard here and thr,
stoned when d whole place was in chaos,
with noone to teach me cus they were all bz,
memorised d line - SY - RCVD EMAIL -,
stared into d words "HAPPY NEW YE" (yes with d A and R missing)
sneezed, coughed,
and ate lunch in d office.
d rest of d tym i kept wondering what there was for me to do.
at tyms i was so bored i wanted to go online,
but the connection was only for d company webbie.
even solitaire.. they dint hav it.
and all of a sudden at 5.30 pm,
i had loads to do!
i mean...
that was kinda ridiculous.
cus i was supposed to end at 6!
and i tot i cud leave on tym.
lik d other two temps. :((
took a bus home and my head bumped into a lady's cus i fell asleep.
and when she alighted i bumped on d handrest,
lik 3 tyms?
and d couple on my rite were laughing.
but i was really tired.
plus im sick.
and ders no leave.. :(
sy. 10:06 PMspent ten hours battling d immense fatigue at work.
was almost late cus d bus driver told me it wud take 30 mins,
but it took me 53mins to get there.
and i had to run almost 1km in 7 mins with heels to avoid being late.
and when i got der, d guy was lik there is a penalty for being late.
$5 d 1st tym, $10 d second and so on..
how cool.
and thrs no leave and if we must, its regarded as no-pay leave.
d worse thg is d horrible OT which does not pay.
and it seems to be an everyday thing to d ppl there.
i wanted to ask if they let me off late d 1st tym, wud i get $5 extra? d 2nd $10 and so on?
but decided not to ruin my own reputation.
loneliness finally crawled its way to me today.
i was practically on my own.
was at d audit department and rants and screams surrounded me the whole day.
got to noe a fren huda and she was waiting for her o level results,
but it was her last day.. :(
and she had only worked two weeks!
and my dept had 4 other females.
it was an overloaded dpt.
but i cuden really help.
today i sent abt 100 emails,
zapped abt 150 copies of papers,
arranged them into matching sets (the nos were up to 4 digits),
arranged mini placards for proceedings,
summarised a fax abt a dealing,
helped ard here and thr,
stoned when d whole place was in chaos,
with noone to teach me cus they were all bz,
memorised d line - SY - RCVD EMAIL -,
stared into d words "HAPPY NEW YE" (yes with d A and R missing)
sneezed, coughed,
and ate lunch in d office.
d rest of d tym i kept wondering what there was for me to do.
at tyms i was so bored i wanted to go online,
but the connection was only for d company webbie.
even solitaire.. they dint hav it.
and all of a sudden at 5.30 pm,
i had loads to do!
i mean...
that was kinda ridiculous.
cus i was supposed to end at 6!
and i tot i cud leave on tym.
lik d other two temps. :((
took a bus home and my head bumped into a lady's cus i fell asleep.
and when she alighted i bumped on d handrest,
lik 3 tyms?
and d couple on my rite were laughing.
but i was really tired.
plus im sick.
and ders no leave.. :(
Sunday, January 22, 2006
d nocturnal singers lol ;b 
biophotonic scanning;)
Metamorphosis
By Ashley Rasmussen
Everyone keeps saying
You have your whole life to decide
But five years will pass so quickly
And then where will I hide?
A transformation in the making
But not yet complete
Sometimes I feel I'm floating
But I need to find my feet
One second you're a kid hanging out with your best friends
but soon I'll be all grown up
Is this how the fairy tale ends?
Sometimes it's so confusing
Which path I want to take
And how will I prepare myself
For success or heartbreak?
Soon I will be driving
I already have a car
But I still feel like a little kid
Warned not to go to far
Sometimes I feel all grown up
And now I'm too old to play
And now I have to make all these decisions
But nothing will go my way
Why can't we just be kids forever
And save the grown up stuff for last?
But reality doesn't play fair
And I'm growing up so fast.
fri and sat was spent doing biophotonic scanning for ppl.
it was to test for d amt of antioxidants one had in their body.
and also to let them sample d drink G3 which would onli be launched in apr.
was very interesting.
d ppl there were very friendly.
but of cus, there were weird ppl lik this auntie who made me wipe her hands for her cus she applied lotion and she said the scan wud be inaccurate.
then i applied abt 5 times more hand sanitizer on her than required b4 i did d scan for her and she claimed it wasn't enough and wud be inaccurate.
i was lik "but madam, it wud not affect the carotenoid score."
and she went, "oh yes, it would."den she went, "you look very young. how old are you?"
me: "eighteen"
her: "what?? so you're just a student?"
me: "yes im a temp here. ok its already done. you can remove your hand from d machine."
her: "so wads my score?"
me: "34,000"
her: "what?! its still d same. i knew it'd be inaccurate. you're jus so young."
wad an idiot. as if d scanner wud lower her score just bcos im young.
but besides that it was qt fun.
went kbox aft work on fri with cousins and siblings.
five of us sang til 3+am b4 gg hm.
den had to work on sat somemore lol.
been so sick and tired(literally) these days.
even had fever yday.
received a call on friday b4 work.
d person said sth lik "im calling from makan. you remember your interview with us?"
me: "makan? err not really.. wad place is that?"
him: "oh d one at cecil street."
and i was lik ohh...
markham advocates and solicitors...
lol...
and tmr, i'd be reporting for work.
lets hope all goes well..
really sad cus kt and sangee cant work with me.
i hope markham calls them too.
if not lunching alone wud be qt sad..
plus OT no money..
sighhhs.
i wna go hk!!!
but my mum and aunt and my sis just cannot compromise on a date.
and chanbrothers oso cannot start a tour for d only date we all are available unless we have ten ppl. :/
sy. 11:45 AMBy Ashley Rasmussen
Everyone keeps saying
You have your whole life to decide
But five years will pass so quickly
And then where will I hide?
A transformation in the making
But not yet complete
Sometimes I feel I'm floating
But I need to find my feet
One second you're a kid hanging out with your best friends
but soon I'll be all grown up
Is this how the fairy tale ends?
Sometimes it's so confusing
Which path I want to take
And how will I prepare myself
For success or heartbreak?
Soon I will be driving
I already have a car
But I still feel like a little kid
Warned not to go to far
Sometimes I feel all grown up
And now I'm too old to play
And now I have to make all these decisions
But nothing will go my way
Why can't we just be kids forever
And save the grown up stuff for last?
But reality doesn't play fair
And I'm growing up so fast.
fri and sat was spent doing biophotonic scanning for ppl.
it was to test for d amt of antioxidants one had in their body.
and also to let them sample d drink G3 which would onli be launched in apr.
was very interesting.
d ppl there were very friendly.
but of cus, there were weird ppl lik this auntie who made me wipe her hands for her cus she applied lotion and she said the scan wud be inaccurate.
then i applied abt 5 times more hand sanitizer on her than required b4 i did d scan for her and she claimed it wasn't enough and wud be inaccurate.
i was lik "but madam, it wud not affect the carotenoid score."
and she went, "oh yes, it would."den she went, "you look very young. how old are you?"
me: "eighteen"
her: "what?? so you're just a student?"
me: "yes im a temp here. ok its already done. you can remove your hand from d machine."
her: "so wads my score?"
me: "34,000"
her: "what?! its still d same. i knew it'd be inaccurate. you're jus so young."
wad an idiot. as if d scanner wud lower her score just bcos im young.
but besides that it was qt fun.
went kbox aft work on fri with cousins and siblings.
five of us sang til 3+am b4 gg hm.
den had to work on sat somemore lol.
been so sick and tired(literally) these days.
even had fever yday.
received a call on friday b4 work.
d person said sth lik "im calling from makan. you remember your interview with us?"
me: "makan? err not really.. wad place is that?"
him: "oh d one at cecil street."
and i was lik ohh...
markham advocates and solicitors...
lol...
and tmr, i'd be reporting for work.
lets hope all goes well..
really sad cus kt and sangee cant work with me.
i hope markham calls them too.
if not lunching alone wud be qt sad..
plus OT no money..
sighhhs.
i wna go hk!!!
but my mum and aunt and my sis just cannot compromise on a date.
and chanbrothers oso cannot start a tour for d only date we all are available unless we have ten ppl. :/
.jpg)
d real neos :) 
cheapo neos ;b 
kbox bash :) 
taohuay delight ;b 
clearer view of d sexy bday girl (: 
recollections :))
kinda belated, but happy bdae to peg(1o/1),bee(11/1) and jus(14/1) ((:
hee. wells, im stil jobless.
cun blif i actually rejected a job at singtel cus i was too sleepy.
lol..
anyhows, decided to take my long break for jan.
den teach tuition hahah.
went kbox with bee, kt, ll today to celebrate bh's belated bdae.
den went paya lebar to find my aunt.
i hope she remains happy and healthy.
wil visit her agn soon.
with loadsa baby posters hehehe. ;b
sy. 7:47 AMhee. wells, im stil jobless.
cun blif i actually rejected a job at singtel cus i was too sleepy.
lol..
anyhows, decided to take my long break for jan.
den teach tuition hahah.
went kbox with bee, kt, ll today to celebrate bh's belated bdae.
den went paya lebar to find my aunt.
i hope she remains happy and healthy.
wil visit her agn soon.
with loadsa baby posters hehehe. ;b
Sunday, January 08, 2006
its 3.56am in d morns noww and im feeling a lil boredd.
tofu street is on channel 8 and yet im too lazy to catch it.
thou i was so enthu to watch it during As.
even k box.
last tym i went was during As.
it seems noww that there're very few ppl whom i can hang out with or talk to.
even on msn, the number is going down.
ppl are busy with their own activities.
i wna get a job.
mostly to occupy my mind with.
suddenly, i feel lonely.
something which i myself cannot account for.
why is this so?
impulse often gets d better of things.
i feel lik shutting down my blog.
getting rid of all virtual communications.
i wonder why i hav changed so much.
i hav a lot on my mind,
yet very little to say to ppl.
i dont even noe what to talk about.
i dun even feel lik talking.
thinking of alienating myself from d world.
i m not even true to myself.
i no longer say wad i truly thk or feel.
bcos i feel i hav no right to.
i cant even seem to rmb what i did a day ago.
it feels lik dementia.
i even feel feverish of late.
what is happening???
finally took a picture with her!
hehe. so happy.
shes indeed someone very nice.
she makes me feel happier when i c her.
i tend to take off my worries each tym.
somehow i feel that d world is gg bonkers.
there are really weird things happening all the tym.
to which some i find incredulous, sardonic and even inconceivable.
relations among beings are really unfathomable.
its unnerving how some ppl can find delight in upsetting d system,
worse of all, hurt others.
sangee told me to tune in to vasantham central just now.
there was a reality drama abt this girl taking her As and had some psychological fear.
she used to perform well during her primary and secondary days.
but yet.. her parents..
my family watched it with me.
well, im sorta able to relate well to how she felt.
she said she was scared.
and they told her there weren't any ghosts.
which was silly.
but i knew how she felt.
she was scared, because she was scared of the consequences.
repeating isnt always d best alternative.
discrimination, disappointment and d courage to face everything again predominates.
it wud surface no matter wad.
i wish i cud leave, to somewhr whr nobody wud noe me.
i wish i cud not feel so inferior.
i wish i cud be happy.
i wish someone wud make me happy.
to make my faith so strong d overwhelming sadness is gone.
i wish i had someone to listen to me,
i wish someone wud trust me completely.
and i wish i could give someone that.
but i do not have d means to.
lik the saying goes, ''where there is no trust there is no love''
and to thk my dad said he wans to send my bro to france to study design,
and when i casually asked abt myself,
he told me ive alr reached my peak.
he does not expect anything out from me.
and my parents actually tot i was lucky enough not to hav them nag at me everyday.
owells.
i miss granny.
sy. 3:46 AMtofu street is on channel 8 and yet im too lazy to catch it.
thou i was so enthu to watch it during As.
even k box.
last tym i went was during As.
it seems noww that there're very few ppl whom i can hang out with or talk to.
even on msn, the number is going down.
ppl are busy with their own activities.
i wna get a job.
mostly to occupy my mind with.
suddenly, i feel lonely.
something which i myself cannot account for.
why is this so?
impulse often gets d better of things.
i feel lik shutting down my blog.
getting rid of all virtual communications.
i wonder why i hav changed so much.
i hav a lot on my mind,
yet very little to say to ppl.
i dont even noe what to talk about.
i dun even feel lik talking.
thinking of alienating myself from d world.
i m not even true to myself.
i no longer say wad i truly thk or feel.
bcos i feel i hav no right to.
i cant even seem to rmb what i did a day ago.
it feels lik dementia.
i even feel feverish of late.
what is happening???
finally took a picture with her!
hehe. so happy.
shes indeed someone very nice.
she makes me feel happier when i c her.
i tend to take off my worries each tym.
somehow i feel that d world is gg bonkers.
there are really weird things happening all the tym.
to which some i find incredulous, sardonic and even inconceivable.
relations among beings are really unfathomable.
its unnerving how some ppl can find delight in upsetting d system,
worse of all, hurt others.
sangee told me to tune in to vasantham central just now.
there was a reality drama abt this girl taking her As and had some psychological fear.
she used to perform well during her primary and secondary days.
but yet.. her parents..
my family watched it with me.
well, im sorta able to relate well to how she felt.
she said she was scared.
and they told her there weren't any ghosts.
which was silly.
but i knew how she felt.
she was scared, because she was scared of the consequences.
repeating isnt always d best alternative.
discrimination, disappointment and d courage to face everything again predominates.
it wud surface no matter wad.
i wish i cud leave, to somewhr whr nobody wud noe me.
i wish i cud not feel so inferior.
i wish i cud be happy.
i wish someone wud make me happy.
to make my faith so strong d overwhelming sadness is gone.
i wish i had someone to listen to me,
i wish someone wud trust me completely.
and i wish i could give someone that.
but i do not have d means to.
lik the saying goes, ''where there is no trust there is no love''
and to thk my dad said he wans to send my bro to france to study design,
and when i casually asked abt myself,
he told me ive alr reached my peak.
he does not expect anything out from me.
and my parents actually tot i was lucky enough not to hav them nag at me everyday.
owells.
i miss granny.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
lol. today was really a great day.
received a call from grandma's saying they got a parcel but without any addresee.
den dey asked if i knew a kelvin.
hahaha and dey ripped it up and yaa,
er zuo ju zhi wen was inside!!!!
lol kel ng's really d nicest person ard!
really brightened up my day.
cus i cun find it in sg!
and he was still telling me mayb santa wil send it to my hous.
and its kinda lik d twelfth day of xmas.
lalala. :))))
thank you!!!
den went with sangee to LTA cus der was sm error w her pin no.
took bus down to mcys hoping to find a job there.
but we were appalled by d no of security guards there.
and so we left lol.
den went j8 to buy her mrs field's.
hehe.
been a long tym since i'd last seen her.
and shes stil d same.
((:
today's Life!Horoscopes from d straits tyms prediction for pisceans:
That guy who said "less is more" was not on your wavelength.
If one is fun, goes your theory, why not two?
Why not a few?
You are such a rebel-always trumping the status quo. Have your fun.
lol. how true. less is indeed not more. ponders. -_-
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
collage :) 
cheapo neos ;b 
two fingers can be used differently 
(: 
acting cute :)
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
3rd jan-a date i used to resent for d past 12 years.
looking baq, i kinda regret not cherishing every single moment of it all.
took bus 162 from parents' today ard 6.50am to granny's.
if not for d fact that i was not donning d aj uni and my hair's not black,
i wud hav tot i was on my way to school.
old habits die hard, really.
i didnt noe leaving aj was such a sad thing.
well lik ul nv cherish sth until u hav lost it..
perhaps dis is wad im feeling noww.
was actually tearing.
i feel qt empty.
d bus was d exact same bus.
with d exact same crowd.
clad in d exact same uni.
but d atmosphere,
the familiar faces,
all seemed to have vanished.
this reminds me that there is an opportunity cost for all we do.
we may not hav to wake up so early,
not havta study,
not havta stick to rules,
but there is indeed a price to pay.
we feel that there is less meaning to life,
an unknown feeling of emptiness within,
no more acting cranky ard,
no more laughter,
and of cos,
d high concession rates.
slept from 4am to 6am and napped from 9-10.30am at gm's.
aft that set off to mit joc tj nic.
was supposed to mit at 1130am.
tj arrived at 1135 and he tot he was gna b late.
lol. i told him i was gg to be a tad late and i reached at 1155am.
hahah well a tad in my opinion is <30 mins lol..
den we were on our way to marche when a ghastly fig wearing white and shades tapped on my shoulders.. hahah.
and so d 3 of us went heeren's marche to look for a seat, only to be greeted by d sign "marche would be closed for maintenance on 3rd jan. it would be open for business as usual from 4th jan. we apologise for any inconvenience caused."
how suay.
and considering taking a train from somerset to dhoby gaut costed 64cents, we decided to take bus 11 down..
got a big comfy sofa seat at cartel b4 nic joined us.
den we ate and talked..
abt future and all.
ya..
hahha and nic mentioned bout his female cousin hus talented in every way, musically, academically...
but shes lacking in love.
cus noone dares to go after her.
well, i feel that sometyms love shud not b measured by one's possessions or talents.
i mean, if u rli lik d person, jus hafta put ur ego aside.
cus its her heart and personality u love,
and if u let her go jus bcus u feel inferior,
then both parties wil not stand to gain.
owells, nic wud b gg over aussie soon.
and b4 he serves ns we can hav another gathering.
lol.
den we went to tk neos, hahahah. which i dun qt agree with nic's fren its 'gay',
not even if d whol grp were guys. lol.
took some cheapskate neos hahah and chose d pinky ones on purpose.
den nic left and 3 of us were left windoww shopping..
tot d cushioned seats at Gelare looked kinda comfy,
so 3 of us went to eat d ice cream waffle, which was on half price cus its tues.
lalala.
but we were always too slow in grabbing d cushion seats.
and d waffle was complimentary on tj lol.
den talked took some pics in which someone purposely took off specs and joc had to go..
den me and tj continued window shopping,
and carrefour is rli not too bad a place.
lik d alcohol and toiletries section.
i guess wad he said was rite.
life's goal is to be happy.
if one is material and loves money, making money can be a joy and purpose for him or her.
okay, and d best way to ensure ure happy is to first refrain urself from feeling sadd.
den he bot his honey glazed chicken for his potluck den we walked down to somerset mrt where i met my bro.
and we roamed abt town and took bus home cus it was cheaper. and both of us fell asleep on d bus. LOL. luckily we woke up in tym.
looking baq, i kinda regret not cherishing every single moment of it all.
took bus 162 from parents' today ard 6.50am to granny's.
if not for d fact that i was not donning d aj uni and my hair's not black,
i wud hav tot i was on my way to school.
old habits die hard, really.
i didnt noe leaving aj was such a sad thing.
well lik ul nv cherish sth until u hav lost it..
perhaps dis is wad im feeling noww.
was actually tearing.
i feel qt empty.
d bus was d exact same bus.
with d exact same crowd.
clad in d exact same uni.
but d atmosphere,
the familiar faces,
all seemed to have vanished.
this reminds me that there is an opportunity cost for all we do.
we may not hav to wake up so early,
not havta study,
not havta stick to rules,
but there is indeed a price to pay.
we feel that there is less meaning to life,
an unknown feeling of emptiness within,
no more acting cranky ard,
no more laughter,
and of cos,
d high concession rates.
slept from 4am to 6am and napped from 9-10.30am at gm's.
aft that set off to mit joc tj nic.
was supposed to mit at 1130am.
tj arrived at 1135 and he tot he was gna b late.
lol. i told him i was gg to be a tad late and i reached at 1155am.
hahah well a tad in my opinion is <30 mins lol..
den we were on our way to marche when a ghastly fig wearing white and shades tapped on my shoulders.. hahah.
and so d 3 of us went heeren's marche to look for a seat, only to be greeted by d sign "marche would be closed for maintenance on 3rd jan. it would be open for business as usual from 4th jan. we apologise for any inconvenience caused."
how suay.
and considering taking a train from somerset to dhoby gaut costed 64cents, we decided to take bus 11 down..
got a big comfy sofa seat at cartel b4 nic joined us.
den we ate and talked..
abt future and all.
ya..
hahha and nic mentioned bout his female cousin hus talented in every way, musically, academically...
but shes lacking in love.
cus noone dares to go after her.
well, i feel that sometyms love shud not b measured by one's possessions or talents.
i mean, if u rli lik d person, jus hafta put ur ego aside.
cus its her heart and personality u love,
and if u let her go jus bcus u feel inferior,
then both parties wil not stand to gain.
owells, nic wud b gg over aussie soon.
and b4 he serves ns we can hav another gathering.
lol.
den we went to tk neos, hahahah. which i dun qt agree with nic's fren its 'gay',
not even if d whol grp were guys. lol.
took some cheapskate neos hahah and chose d pinky ones on purpose.
den nic left and 3 of us were left windoww shopping..
tot d cushioned seats at Gelare looked kinda comfy,
so 3 of us went to eat d ice cream waffle, which was on half price cus its tues.
lalala.
but we were always too slow in grabbing d cushion seats.
and d waffle was complimentary on tj lol.
den talked took some pics in which someone purposely took off specs and joc had to go..
den me and tj continued window shopping,
and carrefour is rli not too bad a place.
lik d alcohol and toiletries section.
i guess wad he said was rite.
life's goal is to be happy.
if one is material and loves money, making money can be a joy and purpose for him or her.
okay, and d best way to ensure ure happy is to first refrain urself from feeling sadd.
den he bot his honey glazed chicken for his potluck den we walked down to somerset mrt where i met my bro.
and we roamed abt town and took bus home cus it was cheaper. and both of us fell asleep on d bus. LOL. luckily we woke up in tym.
new yr eve :)) 
me and fee :) 
sy luvs sy! ;b my everdearest junior Monday, January 02, 2006
happy 2006 to all! :)
seems kinda ironic to say this.
d last moments were not happy at all.
he jus had to spoil it.
wad an arse.
so wad if he has control over me?
so wad if he has authority?
if not for freaking not trying to make u worry,
ive never rebelled.
ask urself wad uve done for me.
uve nv even wanted me at home.
im ur daughter too hav u ever realised?
m i jus ur tool for bragging when i do relatively well?
or ur tool to vent ur anger on when im not?
since u dun lik me at home,
why cant i stay overnight at a fren's place on new yr eve?
i dun c how 3 girls can make me pregnant.
why can my bro do everything when i cant?
and why shake it all off when i confront u,
and bitch abt me to mum in d morn?
u do not hav a deaf daughter.
u nv listen, nv understand, worst of all not try to even trust
u noe ders a limit to my tolerance level.
u noe i m alr trying to bear with all ur nonsense.
u shud noe how unreasonable u r.
never scolding bro or sis when we do d exact same stuff.
and i freaking dun understand why u allowed her to play maple story from morning to evening and when i started using for five minutes, u said tt d damn com wil spoil.
and she cud use it when i slept from 8-12 and when i used for five minutes,
u started scolding me agn.
cud u put urself in my shoes?
u dun even allow me to visit maternal aunt, and always give a million excuses.
but why do u embrace thots of us gg to relatives from ur side?
if ders anything u wan to noe, shoot.
its not as if i'd even lie to u..
ive nv even.
i noe u look down on me,
but hav u ever considered how dose problems were inflicted on me?
do u noe of d sleepless nights and tears i shed bcos i had to live my life fulfilling your ambition?
u do not even care.
i suppose not even when i die.
shall not talk bout it no more.
291205
went out with everdearest junior siying.
she has indeed matured much.
a big contrast to when she was in sec 1.
stil my swt junior. :)
went swensens for brunch and thai express for dinner.
its a pity jae cun come. :(
301205
had dinner in town with mum sis bro.
went maestro.
was a nicenice dinner.
went kino and bought my er zuo ju zhi wen pictorial, in my shoes, at first sight and d curious incident of d dog in d night-time.
was reading d fourth.
i wish i was lik him, having Asper's syndrome, caught in a wurl of my own.
perhaps im really lik that.
anw, i bought a wallet, sis a bottle, bro a belt from heeren.
den went down paragon to get mrs fields and then took bus home.
trying to adapt to life with adult concession.
311205
met fee at city hall.
walked abt and talked. :)
it was happy enuf jus catching up.
and thanks for pei-ing me fee! :)
dun ever thk tt way u wrote in d letter.
u'd nv lose me!
den stood at city hall mrt til 830 waiting for peg.
hu incidentally suggested meeting at 6pm.
and mich was stil earlier.
lol.
and there were many policemen there.
to which one kept hovering around me sliding d placard which says "no waiting".
how ironic.
a couple(tourists i suppose) wanted to take a pic of d policemen on duty.
and d police told him to take a posed-candid shot of him on duty.
qt contradicting but funny.
d crowd at city hall was really overwhelming.
den three of us went to look for a place to eat.
finally settled at marina sq's Han's.
had dinner and cheesecake shared among 3 of us.
den tried to squeeze our way thru to esplanade.
and wc den told us she was near fullerton hotel. (sweat trickles)
den we took d sheares' bridge i suppose and went over to d bridge she was at.
and she said she was at d fifth lamppost from fullerton.
well, d distance was abt 400metres and it wud usually tk us 5 mins to walk thr but we took 20mins. and finally found her and 4 of her class 23 pae male classmates.
den awaited for d leap towards a new year,
and there was a magnificent 9 minutes fireworks display.
beautiful.
totally immersed in it i wish tym wud've jus stopped then.
when it ended, we tried taking a ghastly pic agn lol.
and while we walked away, tt wc made someone wish me happy new year.
how nice of her.
den walked to tk train but a route was jammed so we had to take another.
den walked d raffles city route and dere were ppl throwing strips of toilet paper down and were sitting on d window grilles.
well, these ppl certainly took delight in taking pics of a sea of ppl squeezing thru d streets.
then d four of us took train to bishan and walked to d 24 hour coffee shop under my flat for supper.
had toast, half-boiled egg, fish soup and prata.
weird combi but nice.
sat ard talking and they wanted our clique name to be gossipshit.
which i dun lik but hu cares bout my opinions anw.
then they cabbed off to wc's ard 3.30am and started tagging weird stuff on my blog.
a thousand million ways to intepret,
but i felt that it meant i was a bitch.
im so sorry but this is how im feeling rite now so theres nthg positive from all these.
kinda feel that u all find it happier w/o me.
no hard feelings, but ya.
pls allow me to blog how i feel for once.
isnt that wad a blog's for?
perhaps this world wud do better w/o me.
sighhh.
okayy den sat down and couldnt slp til 530am.
010122006
woke up at 830am when i was supposed to mit em at 830 for breakfast.
bathed and rushed down to tpy.
wc wasnt dere when she promised to go compasspt w me.
sobsob.
eventually, i went peg's house to wait for kt to go w me.
hee.
went compasspt to buy my korean dramas!
it was d last day of d 50% sale.
den looked for aunt at nature's farm.
and waited for her to knock off.
walked ard compass alone feeling really bored.
so i found a corner where anyone hardly passed by and was inspired by d m1 ad.
owells, it didnt last.
but stil, one life, live it.
to huever out there hu needs it. :)
and i realised my "d curious incident of d dog in d night-time" cover's torn. :((
seems lik really a bad bad day.
went granny's to get dinner for fam.
and slept slept slept til midnight.
drowning sorrows in sleep.
lets hope tmr wud b a better day.
(keeps fingers crossed)
sy. 12:36 AMseems kinda ironic to say this.
d last moments were not happy at all.
he jus had to spoil it.
wad an arse.
so wad if he has control over me?
so wad if he has authority?
if not for freaking not trying to make u worry,
ive never rebelled.
ask urself wad uve done for me.
uve nv even wanted me at home.
im ur daughter too hav u ever realised?
m i jus ur tool for bragging when i do relatively well?
or ur tool to vent ur anger on when im not?
since u dun lik me at home,
why cant i stay overnight at a fren's place on new yr eve?
i dun c how 3 girls can make me pregnant.
why can my bro do everything when i cant?
and why shake it all off when i confront u,
and bitch abt me to mum in d morn?
u do not hav a deaf daughter.
u nv listen, nv understand, worst of all not try to even trust
u noe ders a limit to my tolerance level.
u noe i m alr trying to bear with all ur nonsense.
u shud noe how unreasonable u r.
never scolding bro or sis when we do d exact same stuff.
and i freaking dun understand why u allowed her to play maple story from morning to evening and when i started using for five minutes, u said tt d damn com wil spoil.
and she cud use it when i slept from 8-12 and when i used for five minutes,
u started scolding me agn.
cud u put urself in my shoes?
u dun even allow me to visit maternal aunt, and always give a million excuses.
but why do u embrace thots of us gg to relatives from ur side?
if ders anything u wan to noe, shoot.
its not as if i'd even lie to u..
ive nv even.
i noe u look down on me,
but hav u ever considered how dose problems were inflicted on me?
do u noe of d sleepless nights and tears i shed bcos i had to live my life fulfilling your ambition?
u do not even care.
i suppose not even when i die.
shall not talk bout it no more.
291205
went out with everdearest junior siying.
she has indeed matured much.
a big contrast to when she was in sec 1.
stil my swt junior. :)
went swensens for brunch and thai express for dinner.
its a pity jae cun come. :(
301205
had dinner in town with mum sis bro.
went maestro.
was a nicenice dinner.
went kino and bought my er zuo ju zhi wen pictorial, in my shoes, at first sight and d curious incident of d dog in d night-time.
was reading d fourth.
i wish i was lik him, having Asper's syndrome, caught in a wurl of my own.
perhaps im really lik that.
anw, i bought a wallet, sis a bottle, bro a belt from heeren.
den went down paragon to get mrs fields and then took bus home.
trying to adapt to life with adult concession.
311205
met fee at city hall.
walked abt and talked. :)
it was happy enuf jus catching up.
and thanks for pei-ing me fee! :)
dun ever thk tt way u wrote in d letter.
u'd nv lose me!
den stood at city hall mrt til 830 waiting for peg.
hu incidentally suggested meeting at 6pm.
and mich was stil earlier.
lol.
and there were many policemen there.
to which one kept hovering around me sliding d placard which says "no waiting".
how ironic.
a couple(tourists i suppose) wanted to take a pic of d policemen on duty.
and d police told him to take a posed-candid shot of him on duty.
qt contradicting but funny.
d crowd at city hall was really overwhelming.
den three of us went to look for a place to eat.
finally settled at marina sq's Han's.
had dinner and cheesecake shared among 3 of us.
den tried to squeeze our way thru to esplanade.
and wc den told us she was near fullerton hotel. (sweat trickles)
den we took d sheares' bridge i suppose and went over to d bridge she was at.
and she said she was at d fifth lamppost from fullerton.
well, d distance was abt 400metres and it wud usually tk us 5 mins to walk thr but we took 20mins. and finally found her and 4 of her class 23 pae male classmates.
den awaited for d leap towards a new year,
and there was a magnificent 9 minutes fireworks display.
beautiful.
totally immersed in it i wish tym wud've jus stopped then.
when it ended, we tried taking a ghastly pic agn lol.
and while we walked away, tt wc made someone wish me happy new year.
how nice of her.
den walked to tk train but a route was jammed so we had to take another.
den walked d raffles city route and dere were ppl throwing strips of toilet paper down and were sitting on d window grilles.
well, these ppl certainly took delight in taking pics of a sea of ppl squeezing thru d streets.
then d four of us took train to bishan and walked to d 24 hour coffee shop under my flat for supper.
had toast, half-boiled egg, fish soup and prata.
weird combi but nice.
sat ard talking and they wanted our clique name to be gossipshit.
which i dun lik but hu cares bout my opinions anw.
then they cabbed off to wc's ard 3.30am and started tagging weird stuff on my blog.
a thousand million ways to intepret,
but i felt that it meant i was a bitch.
im so sorry but this is how im feeling rite now so theres nthg positive from all these.
kinda feel that u all find it happier w/o me.
no hard feelings, but ya.
pls allow me to blog how i feel for once.
isnt that wad a blog's for?
perhaps this world wud do better w/o me.
sighhh.
okayy den sat down and couldnt slp til 530am.
010122006
woke up at 830am when i was supposed to mit em at 830 for breakfast.
bathed and rushed down to tpy.
wc wasnt dere when she promised to go compasspt w me.
sobsob.
eventually, i went peg's house to wait for kt to go w me.
hee.
went compasspt to buy my korean dramas!
it was d last day of d 50% sale.
den looked for aunt at nature's farm.
and waited for her to knock off.
walked ard compass alone feeling really bored.
so i found a corner where anyone hardly passed by and was inspired by d m1 ad.
owells, it didnt last.
but stil, one life, live it.
to huever out there hu needs it. :)
and i realised my "d curious incident of d dog in d night-time" cover's torn. :((
seems lik really a bad bad day.
went granny's to get dinner for fam.
and slept slept slept til midnight.
drowning sorrows in sleep.
lets hope tmr wud b a better day.
(keeps fingers crossed)
(:
How To Touch A Girl - JoJo
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