Saturday, November 19, 2005
happy bdae weishan! (:
today was a happy day at first.
cos i knew i jus made someone happy.
but now...
its d total opposite.
but hu cares anw?
As was a total mess.
cuden even do 1 qn.
they all looked so unfamiliar.
even mcq, i jus did 30 out of 40 qns.
somethings rli wrong with me.
wad has happened to d old me?

sometyms i wished human beings are strong enough to accomplish what they want.
sometyms i wished human beings dint even exist at all..
maybe..
i wished i didnt exist.
my existence is a mere eyesore to many i guess.
i jus made up my mind not to cry.
but i jus cant do it.
i jus did it.. again.
im gg crazy.
i knew she was out to spite me.
i jus cuden tk it.
i feel so frustrated at home.
yet i dun feel good when im out.
i feel tt i m not welcome on earth anymore.
why dun they understand??
its crazy tt i jus screamed at my aunt cos she took my food while i was on d phone.
not angry cos she took my food,
but just felt it was appropriate for me to vent my frustrations.
they called me selfish, unreasonable.
but have they ever stopped to ask why?
noone wud ever, i guess..
they wud jus blame me,
say im dumb,
their child smart,
im useless,
its my own doing,
its my own fault for not gg lectures or having tuition..
and the list goes on..
im online with a heavy heart.
i told myself i was prepared to repeat.
but ppl jus dun understand.
they jus say,
"dun worry, you'll do well.."
but hu noes myself better dan i do?
i wish someone wud say to me,
"its ok. you keep trying. the journey is more impt than d results."
isit rli true about every man for himself?
even my dad, my dad scolded me for eating an egg..
cos he said i wud get 0 from eating eggs.
wads wrong with these ppl?
im gg crazy!
someone help!
so unbecoming of me.
im typing dis with a real heavy heart.
the world is disowning me cos im failing.
im not given a second chance,
at least not psychologically.
theres still two papers.
but i jus cant seem to settle myself to study.
im on my own again.

to dose dumb hypocrites:
u all are too much!
ive had enough!
its not my fault im gg thru my rough patches these years!
i did not choose to not attend lectures,
or even gg tuition!
why have you ppl alr made d judgement tt i wil earn $800 a month,
and jus be self sustaining?!?!
let me be myself!
whether or not i will earn $800, less, or more,
whether i can even find a job next tym is absolutely none of your business.
shoo away from my life.
ive not offended u in any way.

sy. 6:24 PM