Sunday, January 08, 2006
its 3.56am in d morns noww and im feeling a lil boredd.
tofu street is on channel 8 and yet im too lazy to catch it.
thou i was so enthu to watch it during As.
even k box.
last tym i went was during As.
it seems noww that there're very few ppl whom i can hang out with or talk to.
even on msn, the number is going down.
ppl are busy with their own activities.

i wna get a job.
mostly to occupy my mind with.
suddenly, i feel lonely.
something which i myself cannot account for.
why is this so?
impulse often gets d better of things.
i feel lik shutting down my blog.
getting rid of all virtual communications.

i wonder why i hav changed so much.
i hav a lot on my mind,
yet very little to say to ppl.
i dont even noe what to talk about.
i dun even feel lik talking.
thinking of alienating myself from d world.
i m not even true to myself.
i no longer say wad i truly thk or feel.
bcos i feel i hav no right to.
i cant even seem to rmb what i did a day ago.
it feels lik dementia.
i even feel feverish of late.
what is happening???

finally took a picture with her!
hehe. so happy.
shes indeed someone very nice.
she makes me feel happier when i c her.
i tend to take off my worries each tym.

somehow i feel that d world is gg bonkers.
there are really weird things happening all the tym.
to which some i find incredulous, sardonic and even inconceivable.
relations among beings are really unfathomable.
its unnerving how some ppl can find delight in upsetting d system,
worse of all, hurt others.

sangee told me to tune in to vasantham central just now.
there was a reality drama abt this girl taking her As and had some psychological fear.
she used to perform well during her primary and secondary days.
but yet.. her parents..
my family watched it with me.
well, im sorta able to relate well to how she felt.
she said she was scared.
and they told her there weren't any ghosts.
which was silly.
but i knew how she felt.
she was scared, because she was scared of the consequences.
repeating isnt always d best alternative.
discrimination, disappointment and d courage to face everything again predominates.
it wud surface no matter wad.

i wish i cud leave, to somewhr whr nobody wud noe me.
i wish i cud not feel so inferior.
i wish i cud be happy.
i wish someone wud make me happy.
to make my faith so strong d overwhelming sadness is gone.
i wish i had someone to listen to me,
i wish someone wud trust me completely.
and i wish i could give someone that.
but i do not have d means to.
lik the saying goes, ''where there is no trust there is no love''

and to thk my dad said he wans to send my bro to france to study design,
and when i casually asked abt myself,
he told me ive alr reached my peak.
he does not expect anything out from me.
and my parents actually tot i was lucky enough not to hav them nag at me everyday.
owells.
i miss granny.

sy. 3:46 AM