happy 2006 to all! :)
seems kinda ironic to say this.
d last moments were not happy at all.
he jus had to spoil it.
wad an arse.
so wad if he has control over me?
so wad if he has authority?
if not for freaking not trying to make u worry,
ive never rebelled.
ask urself wad uve done for me.
uve nv even wanted me at home.
im ur daughter too hav u ever realised?
m i jus ur tool for bragging when i do relatively well?
or ur tool to vent ur anger on when im not?
since u dun lik me at home,
why cant i stay overnight at a fren's place on new yr eve?
i dun c how 3 girls can make me pregnant.
why can my bro do everything when i cant?
and why shake it all off when i confront u,
and bitch abt me to mum in d morn?
u do not hav a deaf daughter.
u nv listen, nv understand, worst of all not try to even trust
u noe ders a limit to my tolerance level.
u noe i m alr trying to bear with all ur nonsense.
u shud noe how unreasonable u r.
never scolding bro or sis when we do d exact same stuff.
and i freaking dun understand why u allowed her to play maple story from morning to evening and when i started using for five minutes, u said tt d damn com wil spoil.
and she cud use it when i slept from 8-12 and when i used for five minutes,
u started scolding me agn.
cud u put urself in my shoes?
u dun even allow me to visit maternal aunt, and always give a million excuses.
but why do u embrace thots of us gg to relatives from ur side?
if ders anything u wan to noe, shoot.
its not as if i'd even lie to u..
ive nv even.
i noe u look down on me,
but hav u ever considered how dose problems were inflicted on me?
do u noe of d sleepless nights and tears i shed bcos i had to live my life fulfilling your ambition?
u do not even care.
i suppose not even when i die.
shall not talk bout it no more.

291205
went out with everdearest junior siying.
she has indeed matured much.
a big contrast to when she was in sec 1.
stil my swt junior. :)
went swensens for brunch and thai express for dinner.
its a pity jae cun come. :(

301205
had dinner in town with mum sis bro.
went maestro.
was a nicenice dinner.
went kino and bought my er zuo ju zhi wen pictorial, in my shoes, at first sight and d curious incident of d dog in d night-time.
was reading d fourth.
i wish i was lik him, having Asper's syndrome, caught in a wurl of my own.
perhaps im really lik that.
anw, i bought a wallet, sis a bottle, bro a belt from heeren.
den went down paragon to get mrs fields and then took bus home.
trying to adapt to life with adult concession.

311205
met fee at city hall.
walked abt and talked. :)
it was happy enuf jus catching up.
and thanks for pei-ing me fee! :)
dun ever thk tt way u wrote in d letter.
u'd nv lose me!

den stood at city hall mrt til 830 waiting for peg.
hu incidentally suggested meeting at 6pm.
and mich was stil earlier.
lol.
and there were many policemen there.
to which one kept hovering around me sliding d placard which says "no waiting".
how ironic.
a couple(tourists i suppose) wanted to take a pic of d policemen on duty.
and d police told him to take a posed-candid shot of him on duty.
qt contradicting but funny.
d crowd at city hall was really overwhelming.
den three of us went to look for a place to eat.
finally settled at marina sq's Han's.
had dinner and cheesecake shared among 3 of us.
den tried to squeeze our way thru to esplanade.
and wc den told us she was near fullerton hotel. (sweat trickles)
den we took d sheares' bridge i suppose and went over to d bridge she was at.
and she said she was at d fifth lamppost from fullerton.
well, d distance was abt 400metres and it wud usually tk us 5 mins to walk thr but we took 20mins. and finally found her and 4 of her class 23 pae male classmates.
den awaited for d leap towards a new year,
and there was a magnificent 9 minutes fireworks display.
beautiful.
totally immersed in it i wish tym wud've jus stopped then.
when it ended, we tried taking a ghastly pic agn lol.
and while we walked away, tt wc made someone wish me happy new year.
how nice of her.
den walked to tk train but a route was jammed so we had to take another.
den walked d raffles city route and dere were ppl throwing strips of toilet paper down and were sitting on d window grilles.
well, these ppl certainly took delight in taking pics of a sea of ppl squeezing thru d streets.
then d four of us took train to bishan and walked to d 24 hour coffee shop under my flat for supper.
had toast, half-boiled egg, fish soup and prata.
weird combi but nice.
sat ard talking and they wanted our clique name to be gossipshit.
which i dun lik but hu cares bout my opinions anw.
then they cabbed off to wc's ard 3.30am and started tagging weird stuff on my blog.
a thousand million ways to intepret,
but i felt that it meant i was a bitch.
im so sorry but this is how im feeling rite now so theres nthg positive from all these.
kinda feel that u all find it happier w/o me.
no hard feelings, but ya.
pls allow me to blog how i feel for once.
isnt that wad a blog's for?
perhaps this world wud do better w/o me.
sighhh.
okayy den sat down and couldnt slp til 530am.

010122006
woke up at 830am when i was supposed to mit em at 830 for breakfast.
bathed and rushed down to tpy.
wc wasnt dere when she promised to go compasspt w me.
sobsob.
eventually, i went peg's house to wait for kt to go w me.
hee.
went compasspt to buy my korean dramas!
it was d last day of d 50% sale.
den looked for aunt at nature's farm.
and waited for her to knock off.
walked ard compass alone feeling really bored.
so i found a corner where anyone hardly passed by and was inspired by d m1 ad.
owells, it didnt last.
but stil, one life, live it.
to huever out there hu needs it. :)
and i realised my "d curious incident of d dog in d night-time" cover's torn. :((
seems lik really a bad bad day.
went granny's to get dinner for fam.
and slept slept slept til midnight.
drowning sorrows in sleep.
lets hope tmr wud b a better day.
(keeps fingers crossed)